Contentment

Rarely, do I ever get the feeling of absolute contentment. But now I have and suddenly feel the urge to blog about it. But I shan't attempt to explain it with words. Tracy Chapman's "Happy" is one of my favourite songs of all time along with Meshell Ndegeocello's "beautiful" and "liliquoi moon." "Happy" describes my exact sentiments at this time and was a source of inspiration a year ago for a poem I wrote called 'queen of song'. I shall let you experience it for yourself if you haven't already. Enjoy!



Queen of Song

How you intoxicate me with your song
I am lost in the depths of
Your perfectly-composed melody
Your words lift me so high above
I lose all sense of myself
Your whispers carry me effortlessly
Through the night
I cannot think, I cannot speak
No words to describe your divine voice
Queen of Song let me drown
In your unruffled sea of sacred rhythms

Still, I am here

I feel tired. So tired. But this is a different kind. Not the type of tiredness that can be overcome by a night of sleep or a couple cups of coffee. Nor one that can be cured with a simple vacation to the tropics. No. This is another profound tiredness. One which I have felt only rarely in the past. But which of late, has permeated itself through every single vein in my body and which has settled itself into every single nerve ending. I feel it in my bones and limbs as I walk, I feel it in my words when I speak, I feel it in my soul, so heavy. I feel it everywhere. It has become like a looming shadow waiting in the background for the opportune moment to prance on its prey. It leaves no body part untouched and feeds off the insanity that goes on around me and inside me. Slowly and silently, it chokes and stifles the voice within. They fight to death. They fight to death. They fight to death. Yet, I am here. Somehow, I am still here.

blog name change

hey, it's me and I'm back! (wow! two posts in one night!) Only, because I found earlier today that there is someone else out there with the same blog name - "Akili Ni Mali" - who in fact is now in my favourite blogs sections - and now I must throw in the towel and change the name of my blog. I assure you however it is only the name which is going to change. The content will still remain the same. So after a long tiresome perusal and search of different names, I have decided to go with the name "Nervous Conditions" Please note however that the name is not originally mine. A while ago, I was lucky enough to read an awesome book by Tsitsi Dangarembga called "Nervous Conditions" which I am guessing she borrows from Fanon's "The Wretched of the Earth." In his work, Fanon says "The condition of the native is a nervous condition" and in her book, Dangarembga explores the psyche of the colonized in a post-colonial setting in Zimbabwe through two teenage girls - Nyasha and Tambu - one of whom has been abroad and the other not. I thought it was an amazing book which was very well written! I saw myself so well-represented in both of those characters and I think she does the story justice. I am really looking forward to reading the sequel which is currently on my summer reading list. Because of this, I have decided to go with this name because it represents me, what this blog is about and any other colonized persons who feel their condition is a "nervous condition." It represents daily struggles, thoughts, the outcomes of a colonized mentality and a process of resistance which for me is mostly in writing and through which I am able to gain a true consciousness of my identity.

leaving on a jet plane

aahhh it's almost time to go and there is still so much to do! Thankfully, the huge tasks are mostly out of the way. I have been blessed enough to go to Guadalajara for a five week exchange program to learn art and politics in contemporary Mexico! And I am SO excited and thankful! Still, while trying to mind my own business and run the many errands I have, Toronto never fails to remind me why I am so eager to get away for a couple of weeks. As if being followed (literally) wasn't scary enough, some woman on the streetcar decides to cut her eyes at me as if I had stolen her grandmother! Seriously! What is up with that? What is up with people thinking they can just show you attitude like they are at their mother's houses? What happened to manners and being polite?